Sex Talks

Sometimes when I haven't come up with an idea for a blog post the next day I'll go to bed thinking about it, hoping to will myself to dream something genius, and sometimes it actually works! I will wake up, and in those moments of snoozing before I've actually committed to being awake, the idea will surface. The problem is, it's rarely genius. It's rarely even logical. Three weeks ago, for example, it was Why You Should Never Date Anyone Like Bruno Mars, according to how he is in his songs . I know. It sounds good, but don't fall for it...like I did for 500 now-deleted words... So today - for lack of an actual idea because my dream self has writer's block too - I am going to write about that first thing that came to mind during this morning's snooze session. I'm going to follow the whole idea through to its illogical conclusion.  You're welcome, Thursday. I was lying there wondering why I keep waking up with a head ache (could have something to d...

I had a lovely conversation with a recent L.A. import last night. She was concerned about all the typical things recent L.A. imports worry about: will I meet normal people? will I find work? if I don't find work, will I want to leave? But then she asked me something that struck me as far more mature than the things most recent L.A. imports - especially the 20-something ones - ask: do you think L.A. changed you a lot?  I can honestly say that I have not considered that questions in the 2.5 years since I moved to this city. I'm pretty sure I wondered whether or not it would "change me" before I moved here, but I can't even say that definitively. And, to make this post even harder to write, I can't say whether it has or it hasn't. Things about me have changed for sure, but I am a different person on this coast than I was on the East? Is there, technically speaking, any way to stay exactly the same? Here's what I've got so far. I am leaving out the ele...

I am coming upon my third full month as a full-time, at-home employee of myself. Here is what I've learned: 1. There is no greater accomplishment in life than getting out of bed early/on time for absolutely no reason. I know. I did it once about two months ago, and I'm still living off the glory. 2. The difference between a totally productive and miserably unproductive day is often a morning shower. Wait until noon, and you're somehow screwed for the entire day. 3. If you wear a hard sole slipper throughout the day you will feel like you're wearing an actual shoe, which will make you feel like you're at an actual job, and as a result, you'll procrastinate 10% less. 4. The law of diminishing return applies to the amount of coffee you consume in the morning, and it starts at anything over a pot. 5. Having Pandora streaming through your TV via your BlueRay player is arguably more important than any of the above facts.  6. A Paul Simon base with added variety of The...

A brief oral history of my relationship with GIRLS: Last year I tore the first three episodes of this now Golden Globe-winning "comedy" a new one . This year R finally got me to watch the last four episodes, and I mostly liked them. Last week I had the below conversation with Geanna. Two nights ago R and I watched the first two episodes of this season, and I wanted to take back everything I said to Geanna. The show seems to be back to its slow, meandering approach featuring "stories" that just end with people yelling annoying things back and forth. Today I am posting the below thoughts because I did say and believe those things. Next week I will watch GIRLS again. If I enjoy it more than this week, I'll keep watching. If I don't, I'm giving up again...until R wears me down a week before Season 3 airs... 12:45 PM me : happy thursday!    I missed your call, but here I am!   Geanna : and to you!!!    did you get my message????   me : I didn't - my ip...

  There was a period of time when Katie and I were planning on writing a whole book about hook up culture. It was going to be feature our honest opinions about the state of romantic affairs. We were living in a time when all bets were off - no one texted what they meant, no one asked you out in person, and no one wanted to be the first to ask if all this nothing was... a relationship? . We had major plans for this extremely important book. It was going to have a bright pink cover, but like a deep pink to suggest maturity.  We never got around to writing the book, so I started this blog instead. For the first few years I filled it with post after post about the rules of modern courtship (if there were any), how we were supposed to decode the male text message (if we ever got any), and what all this meant for the future of our love lives (which seemed pretty unlikely at the time). I am now pushing 30 and living with a boyfriend. I have survived all the bullshit of this "age with...

If you happen to find yourself both above the age of 27 and in a relationship for any more than 12 months, you best be prepared to answer the question that's no doubt coming your way from every corner of your world: so...when are you two getting engaged??* It's a curious question for more reasons that one. First of all, female people don't typically know when they are going to get engaged. Historically it has been the job of the male to bring engagement upon the female by surprise. A quick Google search of the terms "Surprise Proposal + YouTube" will show you just how serious the modern male has become about that element of surprise (it would appear that they invented a whole dance style called the Dub Step for this purpose alone). Thus asking a female when she's going to get engaged is somewhat akin to asking a recent college grad when they're going to get a job already. They don't know. They're not the ones giving out the jobs. Secondly, the peo...

It's time once again for a long, reference-filled article about the state of the modern 20-something. This time the writer waxing poetic on an age bracket I'm pretty sure he's grown beyond is Nathan Heller with his piece Semi-Charmed Life: the twentysomethings are all right. As you know, I approach these attempts to understand "my generation" with a groan. Doesn't the New Yorker have something better to do than tell us we're weirder than any generation prior? What's the never-ending fascination? Please, just leave us alone! In fact, here are the four nearly identical posts I've written over the years to that exact same effect: An Open Letter To The New York Times... My Delayed Reaction To The New York Times Article On... My New York Times Article Rebuttal My Thoughts On the Article About The Downside to Cohabitation in Your 20s But now I'm 29.damn-near-five. I've essentially lived through my twenties. I am far more concerned with an article...

Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and a very Happy-The-Mayans-Were-Wrong to you all.  I took a nice, long break over the past three weeks to visit with family and friends on the East Coast, but now I'm back in L.A. action with my new year's resolutions in tow. I, like many over-achieving over-planners with a mild to medium case of OCD LOVE New Year's resolutions. When I was a little girl, we used to write them down and place them in a sealed envelope to be read on the following NYE. I loved that act of cataloging our intentions for the eventual judgement day. It really appealed to my love of shame-based self motivation! Several years ago I retired the archaic paper and envelope method for the much more public blog post format. Higher stakes only increased my fear of failure thus increasing my motivation to succeed! This year there a kink popped up in my generally solid "to do" plans...though, I think he'd prefer to think of himself as a welcome addition... R wan...