Is a Happy Ending technically cheating?

I can't believe I'm asking this question...on a blog that my Mom reads.


I also can't believe I don't instantly know the answer.

Back story (to prevent your imaginations from running wild...):

The other day I was reading a friend's script that included a scene featuring a man receiving a Happy Ending (which I assume we capitalize?). Later in the script his girlfriend finds out and is extremely upset. Logical, right? Who wouldn't be?

But then I got to thinking about whether or not his indiscretion technically counts as a cheat. Is it the same as soliciting sex from a prostitute? Not really. Or, as one single male friend said, "Jesus I hope not! It's not, right? Please just say it's not and let's stop talking about this."

Not to get technical about it, but any time a man's privates are touched by a woman who is not his girlfriend, that's cheating. Right? In that case, a "special massage" certainly counts. But it is, say, divorce-inducing or break-up worthy? Is it worse than finding out your fiance is sexting with a co-worker? No. No way. Right?

Maybe the better question is, where does a Happy Ending fall on the scum bag scale? I consulted with R (who would like to remind everyone that he in no way prompted this blog post), and he said, "it's definitely the lowest level of cheating. But if it's a chronic problem, that's a different issue."

Good point. Frequency does seems like it would matter in this circumstance. If a guy accidentally walks into a special Thai massage shop not knowing what's to come, fine (oof, pun not intended, but now I obviously have to leave it in there). If a guy continues to go to that Thai massage shop on the weekly, not fine.

But back to R's first statement. Is a H.E. the "lowest level of cheating?" I mean, I don't think I need to go so far as to point out what happens to make that ending so happy. How is that "low" in the sexual acts category?

Maybe it has something to do with the person on the other end of that ending being a stranger? Does that somehow make the act less offensive than your guy consistently flirting with a local bartender, or worse, his ex? As a girlfriend, the latter would certainly bother me more, but that somehow feels wrong. In the former case, things got physical. In the latter, no barrier was "technically" crossed.

Here's an interesting layer to add to the debate. Which of the above issues is a guy more likely to confess? I'm inclined to say he'd fess up to the texts with an ex over the accidental H.E. "But nothing even happened!" sounds better than, "But I only did it once! All the guys at the office went too!"

I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole issue, so let's put it to a vote.

Who says a Happy Ending is obviously, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cheating? Who says, nah, it doesn't cross that threshold? And who has more points to add to the debate?